hey guys

DarkBlackGirl · 02-06-2010, 11:46 AM

I recently started back at school again. I made friends with a very nice girl (she's white) and through her, I am associated with a friend of hers who is mixed race. She often flaunts it by using terms that she and her cousins have good hair and light skin(she even puts down Africans). I try to remain confident but it irks me especially since I am in a class with her for a few hours. I try my best to ignore this and not let it get me down. My friend who is white is oblivious to this and doesn't really understand teh talk to seem affected by it. but i am. for awhile I was feeling better about myself but now my issues are starting to resurface again..

2blue · 02-06-2010, 11:54 AM

A well know situation, but it is the first time I have heard skin colour be the choice of pecking. I'm in Norway and things are a bit different here I supose. It's rarely really about skin colour or what might seam the reason for the unpleasantness, it's all about friends, social relations, those you get along with and those you don't. There's always a competition of some sort. There's lots of ways you can play the game.

jganer · 02-06-2010, 11:55 AM

I was just wondering about you...how are you results coming along

jganer · 02-06-2010, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by DarkBlackGirl

I recently started back at school again. I made friends with a very nice girl (she's white) and through her, I am associated with a friend of hers who is mixed race. She often flaunts it by using terms that she and her cousins have good hair and light skin(she even puts down Africans). I try to remain confident but it irks me especially since I am in a class with her for a few hours. I try my best to ignore this and not let it get me down. My friend who is white is oblivious to this and doesn't really understand teh talk to seem affected by it. but i am. for awhile I was feeling better about myself but now my issues are starting to resurface again..

How light is she the mixed race girl just wondering

Angel Hair · 02-06-2010, 12:27 PM

listen hun, shes just badly insecure about something else that you dont know about! and that just makes her behave in that manner. at least youre a kind and sensitive human being whod never say such things!

dont let it get you down just get on with what it is that you need / want to do sweety!

stickyhoney · 02-06-2010, 01:00 PM

at some point you have to work on yourself and deal with your own self esteem issues which im sure you are doing

there is always going to be someone that will make a comment that will be rude or offensive to you thats life you cant let other people ruin your day month year or the rest of your life by the flippant comments they make

trust me after that girl made that comment she wasnt even thinking about you nor does she prob care how it made you feel this is how people are

http://www.skincaretalk.com/skin-lig...in-issues.html

DarkBlackGirl · 02-06-2010, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by jganer

How light is she the mixed race girl just wondering

She is very very light, with sharp features.

Quote:

I was just wondering about you...how are you results coming along

my results are coming along fine. My skin is clear and glowing.

Quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A well know situation, but it is the first time I have heard skin colour be the choice of pecking. I'm in Norway and things are a bit different here I supose. It's rarely really about skin colour or what might seam the reason for the unpleasantness, it's all about friends, social relations, those you get along with and those you don't. There's always a competition of some sort. There's lots of ways you can play the game.

I wish it was like that over here in the US.

Quote:

listen hun, shes just badly insecure about something else that you dont know about! and that just makes her behave in that manner. at least youre a kind and sensitive human being whod never say such things!

dont let it get you down just get on with what it is that you need / want to do sweety!

yeah I know shes likely insecure. i am trying my best to fit into this group, and keep friends you know. I notice that my friend who is white tends to think that the lighter complected black girls are pretty. she is always spottiing one in the crowd/classroom and saying how cute/pretty she is. I try not to let this affect me. I tell myself that I am beautiful too. but i have to mentally prepare myself everytime i get up and go to class. its a struggle

Angel Hair · 02-06-2010, 02:10 PM

dont give up youre super sensitive with good reason but ill bet youre v beautiful.

hotcake · 02-06-2010, 04:53 PM

Originally Posted by DarkBlackGirl

yeah I know shes likely insecure. i am trying my best to fit into this group, and keep friends you know. I notice that my friend who is white tends to think that the lighter complected black girls are pretty. she is always spottiing one in the crowd/classroom and saying how cute/pretty she is. I try not to let this affect me. I tell myself that I am beautiful too. but i have to mentally prepare myself everytime i get up and go to class. its a struggle

DBG nice to see you, every person (light or dark) is a target of some pathetic person's spite, envy, hatred etc, so don't let her or ANYONE get to you. However please surround yourself with people who not affected by looks, complexion, ethnicity, social status etc, and are secure enough in their own skins to show compassion, motivate and help others grow. One such person is better than a bevy of "no-hopers". Studying is not easy, life is as well not easy, you certainly don't need any stress and distraction with this light/dark malarkey.

Cleo · 02-07-2010, 10:10 AM

I am so angry on your behalf. Black is beautiful. I'm not black but many of my friends are children of former Panthers and Nation members. I really think they have a healthy pride in the way they look so much so that it rubbed off on me. When I see a light black person I think how unfortunate it was that her ancestors were raped. Beauty is a mental attitude which anyone can adopt. If you believed more in yourself and your beauty, you would be intimidating her. Your white friend like some other white people are clueless to the struggles of the minority populations in America. They need to be educated because many times they live in a bubble. (I apologize if I have offended anyone on this board but I stand by what I say after working amongst New York City's upperclass WASPS-all of the minorities in that circle had image issues, the chinese, blacks, indians, jews.....it was mind boggling.) Free your mind and the rest will follow.......

ondine · 02-07-2010, 01:07 PM

"I see a light black person I think how unfortunate it was that her ancestors were raped"

Be wary of reverse discrimination! I am from a long line of mixed couples going back many generations. My black ancestors were NOT 'rape victims'; they were legitimate married couples as are my parents. There are many dark-skinned, white skinned & medium skinned people who were the result of rape. Please don't make such eggregious assumptions.

DarkBlackGirl, those people are NOT friends. I agree with Angelhair: they sound like very insecure people. They also sound declasse & inconsiderate. It sounds like the only things they like about themselves are their hair & their skin! Please distance yourself from these girls; they are likely secterly jealous of you & trying to undermine you. The white girl is likely oblivious to all this since being white is NOT a big deal when that's the way 99% of your relatives & the bulk of your community is! The 2 mixed girls sound more like they're 'mixed up' as in confused. Feeling good about one's skin & hair isn't a problem in & of itself; it becomes a problem when it becomes racist gloating meant to hurt someone else.

You've already honestly (& bravely!) expressed having issues re your skin & your hair. the last thing you need are 'friends' who reinforce this. Please find some new friends. As a person with 'sharp features' & 'good hair', it wouldn't've occurred to me to flaunt this eliberately in the face of someone whose features were unlike mine. Ditch these 2 like a bad habit!

Angel Hair · 02-07-2010, 01:14 PM

well said ondine!

stickyhoney · 02-07-2010, 01:21 PM

i was wondering if anyone was going to notice that rape comment utter madness

ondine · 02-07-2010, 07:03 PM

Perhaps it was said in the heat of the moment w/o much thought. It is easy to just let your fingers fly & hit send B4 noticing that you've said something regrettable.

DarkBlackGirl · 02-08-2010, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by ondine

"I see a light black person I think how unfortunate it was that her ancestors were raped"

Be wary of reverse discrimination! I am from a long line of mixed couples going back many generations. My black ancestors were NOT 'rape victims'; they were legitimate married couples as are my parents. There are many dark-skinned, white skinned & medium skinned people who were the result of rape. Please don't make such eggregious assumptions.

DarkBlackGirl, those people are NOT friends. I agree with Angelhair: they sound like very insecure people. They also sound declasse & inconsiderate. It sounds like the only things they like about themselves are their hair & their skin! Please distance yourself from these girls; they are likely secterly jealous of you & trying to undermine you. The white girl is likely oblivious to all this since being white is NOT a big deal when that's the way 99% of your relatives & the bulk of your community is! The 2 mixed girls sound more like they're 'mixed up' as in confused. Feeling good about one's skin & hair isn't a problem in & of itself; it becomes a problem when it becomes racist gloating meant to hurt someone else.

You've already honestly (& bravely!) expressed having issues re your skin & your hair. the last thing you need are 'friends' who reinforce this. Please find some new friends. As a person with 'sharp features' & 'good hair', it wouldn't've occurred to me to flaunt this eliberately in the face of someone whose features were unlike mine. Ditch these 2 like a bad habit!

You're right ondine. The only reason I am putting up with this is because I really value my friend and I don't want to lose her so I just grin and bear it and pretend that I am okay with her friend making those comments. She is really a nice girl and if she understood what was going on she'd probably not tolerate them saying this.

divaforlyfe · 02-08-2010, 02:47 PM

I went through this situation in 10th grade. What grade are you in? I had a "friend" who was way lighter than Tyra had had hazel eyes. She was born in the U.S but when we first met she told me she was from Britain. This girl would always make comments about how light she was and try to make me feel bad about myself. I realized as I got older that she hated being associated with "blacks" as in black americans. She was very insecure about who she was. Her father left when she was younger and she was left with her mom. She would portray herself as better than others so she could feel better. Looking back I realized I should've stood up for myself, I was better than her and she knew it,after all I come from a rich culture, I am very successful compared to the way her life turned out. Darkskingirl stand up for yourself she is not better than you, once you do that stop hanging out with her, that is negative energy you don't want around you. There is no such thing as "good hair" good hair is healthy hair not curly or mixed hair. Back in highschool I had an Ethiopian friend who at the time was lighter than me and she would make sure to comment on it, But her face was filled with all types of acne and back spots, but my skin was healthy. I say this to say that you should not let this get to you there is a reason why you are experiancing this, it should make you stronger. I am a brown skin woman but I have learned through these experiences to have confidence in myself whether I am light through products or dark by choice ( I have seasons lol) but when I walk into a room even light skin girls are intimidated, and it is because of my past that I have this strong back bone. I am older now, and in a professional school and I have learned from these experiences. Your skin tone is not an indicator of how successful you can be, as far as your friend making comments about africans, she is ignorant there are many african women who have the "mixed look hair" are naturally lighter than her and have sharp features, don't let her take away you sense of pride remember that beauty is relative and depends on what the group think is at the time, even if they are wrong. If you need some advice pm me.

ondine · 02-08-2010, 03:10 PM

Nice supportive post, Divaforlyfe. Typically, behind a gloating exterior lurks an insecure interior.

LYDIASELLERS · 02-09-2010, 12:41 AM

Originally Posted by DarkBlackGirl

You're right ondine. The only reason I am putting up with this is because I really value my friend and I don't want to lose her so I just grin and bear it and pretend that I am okay with her friend making those comments. She is really a nice girl and if she understood what was going on she'd probably not tolerate them saying this.

hey i think you should tell this lady how you feel about her comments. you said if she was in ur shoes possibly she could understand how u feel but i think if u share ur feelings with her about her words against light and dark skins maybe she will see your being sincere and truthful. being understanding and compassionate is alot of what a relationship is about. i think if you have to hide what u feel, or "put up with things".. its not a good start of a relationship especially sense its something so prominent like your skin. anytime one needs to "put up with anything" i think is numbing ones self too :s or it could just be accepting.. but i think in your case; if its bothering you then u guys defffff need to have a chat about it ^^

LoveCoutureSoul · 02-09-2010, 02:55 AM

Originally Posted by DarkBlackGirl

I recently started back at school again. I made friends with a very nice girl (she's white) and through her, I am associated with a friend of hers who is mixed race. She often flaunts it by using terms that she and her cousins have good hair and light skin(she even puts down Africans). I try to remain confident but it irks me especially since I am in a class with her for a few hours. I try my best to ignore this and not let it get me down. My friend who is white is oblivious to this and doesn't really understand teh talk to seem affected by it. but i am. for awhile I was feeling better about myself but now my issues are starting to resurface again..

I'm giving you a E-Hug right now hun,situations like these are VERY common within the black community but stay strong. In my humble opinion this could be something to brush off because that girl is obviously insecure. Than again it would be beneficial for yourself to pull that girl aside and simply say tone it down...or to even challenge her statements. Especially on her perceptions of "Good" versus "Bad" hair. Chris Rock made a whole movie dedicated to it. In result you might change her mindset and even embark on an intelligent discussion.

BrownSugar · 02-10-2010, 03:19 PM

Originally Posted by DarkBlackGirl

I recently started back at school again. I made friends with a very nice girl (she's white) and through her, I am associated with a friend of hers who is mixed race. She often flaunts it by using terms that she and her cousins have good hair and light skin(she even puts down Africans). I try to remain confident but it irks me especially since I am in a class with her for a few hours. I try my best to ignore this and not let it get me down. My friend who is white is oblivious to this and doesn't really understand teh talk to seem affected by it. but i am. for awhile I was feeling better about myself but now my issues are starting to resurface again..

Hey girl, i wld like to say that unfortunetly this problem isn't going away anytime soon. This has been going on for yrs datin all the way back to slavery!!! We've came a long way but the negitive affects are still with us today & generations to come!!!

The bottom line is because she's mix, the blk side of her is dealing with the same issues you r SHOCKING i know, & the white or other race she has is her defense mechanism 2 battle her insecurities.

With that said she feels the need to point out her good hair, complextion etc.
& her making fun of Africans is just to fit in (it's harder to rly stand up 4 core values & morals, than it is to fit in)

All I have to say is first get a thick skin & dnt let her words penatrate u...hard I knw. But u can't let her negitivity affect ur emotional well being IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT

then u have to find things, features, etc about urself thats unique & sexy & work with it

Ur beautiful own it, dnt let any1 tell u otherwise....TRUST ME!!!
Next thing u ever wondered y in history & even now there has been so much hate against us WE HAVE SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL & IT'S UP TO US TO FIGURE IT OUT....U KNW LIKE IN SCH,WRK,OR A SOCAIL EVENT PPL ALWAYS HATE ON THE HOT, PRETTY PPL

it's the same thing hun trust me we r frinkin' amazin' dnt let her get to u.