Help! Friend wants to stay in abusive relationship
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  1. #1

    Help! Friend wants to stay in abusive relationship

    Hi,

    I hope someone can help me.

    My best friend is a sweet girl and just got married. Unfortunately, her husband is abusive (physical and emotional). I have witnessed it as well and it broke my heart. He is so big and I felt so bad that I couldn't help her.

    She now told him she wants a divorce. All her family and friends are behind her decision.

    Now an aunt of her husband called her and told her that if she is getting divorced, she cannot know what the next guy might turn out. And that he might even be worse than her husband. She is now confused what to do.

    Is there someone here who can help me with a response to her that makes her see that staying is not a good decision?
    She is very sensitive and quickly influenced..

    I feel so bad for her because I know she deserves SO much better. I even was in a abusive relationship and shared my story with her. I got out and now have the sweetest boyfriend. She all knows it but still she doesn't seem convinced. I also brought up the having kids thing and what if he hurt them..

    I hope someone can help me with what to tell her.. Especially in response to what that aunt told her.

    Thanks so much in advance.

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  3. #2
    SCT Elite AIME's Avatar
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    If the shoe bites you don't need anyone to remove it for you ... At the end of the day she knows what to do - whether to stay and hope for change, or leave and start over ....
    "LET BROTHERLY LOVE CONTINUE : Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, bragging or proud. Love is not rude, selfish or easily angered. Love trusts, forgives, forgets & never gives up on people. LOVE SHOULD NEVER END" ... 1 COR. 13:4-8

  4. #3
    She went back to him so often in the past, so I'm a bit afraid she will never get out of it..

    I know it's not up to me, but it's just hard to watch

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    SCT Elite PrettyGirlNae's Avatar
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    This is so sad smh. Idk why the aunt said what she said because that didn't help and it sounds like she's okay with him abusing her. Not to sound mean but I'm going to try and be very blunt with you ... Your friend seems insecure because any woman that knows her worth and what she deserves would not tolerate that. She needs to look deep within herself and think can I see myself with him for the rest of my life? The abuse will only get worse as time goes on. I wouldn't wanna have kids with anyone like that it'll scare me so much because that won't stop him from being an a**hole. It's either he goes to anger management classes or she needs to stand her ground and start getting that paperwork together. I know it's going to be hard but she can't let this continue ... Something has to be done and it starts with her.
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  6. #5
    SCT Elite AIME's Avatar
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    ^^^ ... So true PGNae .... Only insecurity would keep anyone in such a relationship. Many times people wake up and smell the coffee when its either too late or too much damage has been done.

    The first thing ANY relationship should bring to the table is mutual respect - Else its damned to fail sooner or later ...
    "LET BROTHERLY LOVE CONTINUE : Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, bragging or proud. Love is not rude, selfish or easily angered. Love trusts, forgives, forgets & never gives up on people. LOVE SHOULD NEVER END" ... 1 COR. 13:4-8

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    SCT Elite PrettyGirlNae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AIME View Post
    ^^^ ... So true PGNae .... Only insecurity would keep anyone in such a relationship. Many times people wake up and smell the coffee when its either too late or too much damage has been done.

    The first thing ANY relationship should bring to the table is mutual respect - Else its damned to fail sooner or later ...
    It's really sad BUT one day and one day soon I hope she realize he's not worth it.
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    Administrator gymrat's Avatar
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    .......bottom line is, if you don't see your worth, you will always choose people who don't see it either. I would encourage your friend to work on her self esteem. Maybe she can get some counseling. Often times those we love won't listen to our advice but will from a professional who isn't going to judge or pick sides.

    Once she gains some self respect everything will change for the better.
    -Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us-

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    SCT Elite AIME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrettyGirlNae View Post
    It's really sad BUT one day and one day soon I hope she realize he's not worth it.
    ... So help her Lord.
    "LET BROTHERLY LOVE CONTINUE : Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, bragging or proud. Love is not rude, selfish or easily angered. Love trusts, forgives, forgets & never gives up on people. LOVE SHOULD NEVER END" ... 1 COR. 13:4-8

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    SCT Elite AIME's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gymrat View Post
    .......bottom line is, if you don't see your worth, you will always choose people who don't see it either. I would encourage your friend to work on her self esteem. Maybe she can get some counseling. Often times those we love won't listen to our advice but will from a professional who isn't going to judge or pick sides.

    Once she gains some self respect everything will change for the better.
    Absolutely! A healthy self-esteem is everything...
    "LET BROTHERLY LOVE CONTINUE : Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, bragging or proud. Love is not rude, selfish or easily angered. Love trusts, forgives, forgets & never gives up on people. LOVE SHOULD NEVER END" ... 1 COR. 13:4-8

  11. #10
    AIME PrettyGirlNae gymrat
    Thanks all for your kind and TRUE words. I totally agree with you.. It starts with building her self-esteem and knowing her worth..
    I almost believe that people like that aunt of him say these things on purpose just to make her doubt her own judgement. And it's not hard to recognize an insecure person if you have some life experience..

    Anyway, I will also pray for her that she will do what's right.. I don't know what to tell her anymore, besides giving her a hint on working on her self-esteem.. without trying to offend her.

    Ironically, I know I was deaf for good advice of others when I was in the same situation..

    Also, so true about attracting 'bad' people when you don't know your worth. And she tends to listen more to these ppl like that aunt than seeing value in advice from me or her sister

    Thanks again for your help! I appreciate it greatly

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