[Gabbster]

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna say "it's freckles" or "hyperpigmentation. No. I'll tell you straight up that I hate my skin and that's why I want to lighten it. I just feel so hideous with dark skin. I'm black and in a mostly white community, so that may be why. I have a lot of friends, and people see to really like me. No one ever calls me out about my skin. But I still feel so ugly. No boys ever pay attention to me as more than a friend. I never get dates to the dances. I'm starting to think my skin is making me ugly....I KNOW I would be so much prettier with light skin

I'm not a very dark, but I'm still darker than everyone I know. I'm not ashamed of being black, just to set things straight. I love being black, but I want light skin. My mom is black and she and EVERYONE on her side has light eyes and skin. It's really unfair, in my eyes. My dad is also black, but him and his side of the family is dark skinned with dark eyes. Anyway, if I tell my parents I hate my skin and want to buy bleaching kits, they'll flip and give me a lecture on how "pretty" I am.

But just about a week ago, my mom got me the Ambi facial care kit. it has a fade cream she didn't know about, and it contains hydroquinone, a skin bleacher. I've been using it for about 5 days, and was wondering if anyone had any lightening results using it. Also, is there any natural way I can lighten my skin? PLEASE don't suggest buying bleaching kits and what not. I know they provide the best results, but I'm gonna have to wait till I'm 18 to get them

p.s my skin is about Rihanna's complexion

And NO I don't think Rihanna is ugly. She looks good with that complexion.

 

[ondine]

Hi Gabbster.

I was greatly saddened by your post. Although I do support a person's right to alter his/her appearance whether that means a nose job, weight loss, a new hairdo or lighter or tanned skin, you seem rather young to be making this decision. You sound depressed; not just unhappy with your colour. Rihanna is quite fair. Your negative mind-frame & sad 'vibe' you are emitting might be alienating guys from dating you. As YOU said, people seem to like you...YOU do not seem to like yourself much. The traits you inherit are not a matter of justice, but genetics. My dad, who is black/Indian is darker than you by a lot BUT his eyes are light blue. My mom looks like an Italian or a Greek (she's French/Native). I inherited her small features BUT my dad's colour. BOTH of my brothers are fair. Before you go try any radical colour changing regimen. Many young people damage themselves by misinterpreting instructions, using the wrong products at the wrong doses, using multiple incompatible products etc. These products CAN do damage.

You definitely are intelligent to wait until you are at least 18: I'd even wait longer: 18 is still very young. You are welcome to hang out in the forum & share your feelings & learn from other people's experiences as we are a very open bunch. Would you consider talking with a guidance counselor or a psychologist? NOT a family member who is partial & would only contradict or judge you nor a clergyman who would only make you feel guilty, but a trained listener who is impartial. This would give you an outlet for your bottled up feelings. Getting involved in your community (help someone else) & finding some extra curricular activities that you enjoy & make you feel validated would boost your self-esteem. This will give you clarity as to how much of your sadness is really about your skin colour & how much is due to other factors you might have missed (depression, self-esteem etc.)

I am definitely NOT saying that people who choose to lighten are all damaged emotionally any more than someone who changes their hair colour or their religion is! Once you gain objectivity & insight, more maturity & life experience etc. you will be better placed to have a realistic expectation of the results (& the impact of them), you'll really know the risks & you won't make a bad decision for the wrong reasons.

This is the same as a woman who gets dumped by her husband for a younger woman & thinks getting plastic surgery will save her from this happening again. Her expectations & logic is flawed: beautiful women get abused, dumped, cheated on too (think Halle Berry!). If her expectations are faulty, she will be disappointed no matter how successful the plastic surgery is. REmember that many 'pretty & fair' people lead sad & lonely lives riddled with self-esteem & other issues. Being rich, popular famous & LIGHT etc. did NOT help Marilyn Monroe or Kurt Cobain!

I am sorry this is so long, but you seemed so sad & in need of some support. Please consider what I've said. I'm sure others will follow. There are good people here.

 

[Chino]

Gabbster, I hope that everything works out for you. I grew up in a predominately African American community, so I never experienced the feeling of isolation that you have. I don't have the answers that you are looking for, but perhaps you can join a volunteer organization with a diverse membership. It may help you establish friendships with black women. You may also want to get subscriptions to Essence magazine, which features stunning black women of all complexions to help reinforce your self image.

 

[proscons]

I know how you feel gabbster, I to would like to lighten my skin and also am still very young (17). If you have Rhinnas skin complexion, then your skin colour definitely is not the problem.
I'm a young Indian male, not very dark, but would also like to be lighter because my skin isn't as fair as most indians. I to will wait until im 18 before attempting to use HQ!
before you do buy a cream, go through this forum and you will learn a lot!
p.s- Be aware of fakes!!! Way to many exsist in this forum.

 

[starlight]

Hi Gabbster, although you might probably have heard this a zillion times, I just have to say it again: it's not your skin color that determines your attractiveness or beauty. Truly. Let's talk abt physical attractiveness 1st. If you have clear(as in blemish-free), healthy skin, normal decent features, healthy hair, and you are well-groomed, then you've got physical attractiveness. Add on a good character and a unique personality, you'll be a hugely gorgeous person! Look at history! Lots of women, such as Cleopatra, Mrs Edward Simpson, Diane de Poitiers, etc etc(the list goes on and on), did not fit the classic ideal of beauty but they managed to make the greatest men of their times fall head over heels hopelessly in love with them! Surely, if skin color is the only reason why a guy will or will not ask you out, then you wouldn't want to go out with him in the 1st place!

You're still so young and being just friends with guys is a great way to start. Do you know that I went on my 1st date only at 18? Of course I despaired and spent many sleepless nights wondering if any guy will ever call me or ask me out. Now on hindsight, I can only say that the Lord has a different timing for everyone. When the dates start coming, they'll just keep on coming. In the meantime, enjoy making friends, getting to know guys as humans. It's great having platonic guy friends because you'll learn alot from them abt men and their perspectives are often so different from the girl-talk versions.
Anyway, back to your question on hydroquinone. Personally, I don't like it because in the long-term, it's been known to cause reverse pigmentation. Besides, what about your skin from neck down? Are you going to lighten it too coz if not, the skin color on your face and the rest of your body will look different. Since you're below 18, what I would suggest is instead of focusing on how much you hate your skin color, why not focus on bringing out its best through daily regimes of proper skin care? E.g. twice weekly exfoliation to remove dead skin cells so that your natural glow will shine through. Also take plenty of skin beautifying foods such as salmon, berries, etc.

 

[ondine]

Couldn't help but notice that Gabbster never returned to read these excellent & well thought out comments. This person seemed so young & depressed that I became concerned. Has anyone spotted Gabbster in any other depaartments here?

 

[gymrat]

No ondine- I haven't seen Gabbster post/comment anywhere.

Being concerned about this person says alot about you Ondine, we need more people like you in this world-bless you!

 

[Gabbster]

I'm still here....I just don't know how to respond, other than saying thanks!

I still feel so...down, though

 

[ondine]

THanks for returning! This depression you so clearly articulated, I'd bet, has nothing whatsoever to do with your skin. I have met people whose skin was the cause of their depression, but these people had disfiguring conditions like burn scarring, severe acne or something irregular: not because they were too light or too dark for their liking. Please seek out help & support from a qualified (ie a psychologist) source: depression can suddenly become very severe & mess up your life. See a doctor for a physical too: some hormonal & nutritional imbalances can cause depression. Since you are in a mostly ehite environment, consider this: is it your skin you dislike OR is it being different that is the challenge?

Gymrat: thanks for the compliment. It is much appreciates. As Forums become the new social/community networks, they will become more caring & supportive places.

 

[Gabbster]

I think being different may be kind of a challenge. I always feel like people are talking about me behind my back, even if it's not so

 

[skyblue]

Gabbster,hi you are who you are,there is alot that I don't like about myself but we are all what GOD made us, you can look around and always see someone else who is worst off than you, say for instance the person going down the road in a wheel chair,who has never known what it's like to walk, or the blind person who can't see the beauty around them., you are young don't worry about the small stuff enjoy your life!!!! be proud of who you are.

 

[ondine]

Skyblue, I completely agree with the importance of ben=ing grateful & appreciative of all you do have. It puts things into a more realistic perspective than always feeling 'poor me' for this or that reason. Yes, many people would be glad to trade problems with most of us here.

"I think being different may be kind of a challenge. I always feel like people are talking about me behind my back, even if it's not so."-Gabster

This is a revealing statement. Psychologists refer to this phenom. as the 'imaginary audience'. It is typical of adolescents to thing everyone is staring at them, judging them or criticizing their every move. It is a form of extree self-consciousness. Take heart in knowing that all your friends are probably feeling the same way! YOU are attributing it to your darker skin, many of them may be attributing it to their weight, not being pretty (cool or stylish) enough...it is all the more reason to wait before you go changing yourself in any permanent or dramatic manner. As for being different, focusing on this can make it seem bigger than it really is. Try focusing on all you & your friends have in common. When you are a 'real' adult, you can make a more balanced decision about how you feel about your colour.

 

[skyblue]

ondine,yes you can always look around and see someone worse off than yourself and I hope that Gabbster will see all that life has to give and your right when she's old enough she can then choose to make changes if she wishes., I hope she's doing okay. It would be nice to hear from her on this forum to let us know she's ok.

 

[ondine]

We'll have to keep the welcome mat at hand!

 

[Gabbster]

Sorry for taking so long to return, guys. I had a lot of school work to finish, but now I'm out of school

I really appreciate all the comments, but while I was on another board, I heard serveral black women talk of how much they hate their skin and said dark skin is ugly. And I noticed that on multiple black hair and beauty sites, they only use VERY fair skinned models! I feel so confused. Just as soon as I learn to somewhat accept my skin, something like that happens

 

[rockstarr]

Hey Gabbster! How are you? Hope your semester went well! I couldn't help but notice that you said that you were the same complexion as Rihanna... she isn't dark skinned... at all.

 

[Lexi2009]

Ondine that is so sweet of you. I think the grass is always greener and that Gabbster maybe should also seek out a more diverse circle of friends. I know that sounds wrong but she needs to see strong women (and men) with the same shade skin as her that DO get dates and go to dances etc. I do not think for a second that she is likely TOO dark, I think it is more likely that there still are racial barriers and people abide by them. I was walking behind a REALLY pretty black girl today and some white guy drove by and honked at me and then we were passing a black guy and he stared at her---go figure--but it shows that sadly people do still largely stay within their races. London would be a great place for you Gabbster--all the couples are mixed all over!!!

If Rihanna is pretty, which I agree, why would you not be? Have you ever thought this may be down to the people and prejudice and not down to your looks? I bet you will do just fine as you come out of High School and go to University where people care so much less about race and what "their parents would say" etc. I always look at girls like Rihanna and say--WHY COULDN'T I BE BORN THAT COLOUR!? Maximise what you have, I am sure you are just as pretty as anyone else.

 

[Gabbster]

You all have some very good points, but I still just don't get it

Tanned white girls are considered attractive, and light black girls are considered attractive. I don't understand.

 

[ondine]

Gabbster, If you go on tanning websites, you'd hear white women complaining that they hate being so pale & they wish they had different skin too. The same goes for hair; whether it is colour, length,texture or all 3, people almost universally want to alter it. Models do not reflect beauty: they reflect current social pop cultural trends! Just look on magazine covers: a certain 'look' becomes 'in' & every model looks like a variation on that look. It used to be hard for white brunette models to work. Then, Janice Dickinson hit the scene & there have been tanned white brunettes with dark eyes modeling ever since (Gia, Cindy Crawford, Christy Turlington... )All these Brazilian women with their curviness & full lips would've been unemployed in the 70's. Sometimes a cute punky look rules, then it becomes a waif-like look. Then sexy is 'in'.

In the US, the 1st lady is a brown skinned black woman. One of the most influential people is Oprah: decidedly black. In Canada, the governor general (tyhe nations highest office) is a black woman who came to Canada as a Haitian refugee. She is medium/fair. You may benefit from seeking out more positive examples in lieu of self-hating people. When a person feels self-hatred, the problem is seldom something physical unless they are truly disfigured. Changing their skin, hair, nose or boobs might feel satisfying for a short time, BUT not long after, they'll be feeling the same negative way. Then, it'll be their hair...OR their chin. Until they address their self-hate issue & figure out why they really feel that way, nothing-not even winning millions, will soothe them for long. Think of all the celebs & odels who are chronic depressives leading addictive screwed up lives. All their so-called beauty & their money did NOT make them happy. You need to feel happy & positive first. THEN you can change something with healthy & realistic expextations. If you say to yourself 'if only I had this or that I'd be happy' you are misled. You'd be UNHAPPY with your light skin (or golden tan) or new boobs or whatever IT is.

I wore my darker skin for over 4 decades. As a young woman, I was busy living my life. I married, had kids, have a university education & live well. Never had I 'hated my skin'. In fact, I mentioned several times that many people complimented me for it. I NEVER hated myself either. What I am doing is making my complexion better flatter my facial features. I have completely caucasian features with thin lips & a very narrow nose. My features made me look like a white woman who slept, drank & ate in a tanning bed for 30 yrs. BBQed white tanners would ask me what my 'secret' was. Black people

what to make of me.

Please, Gabbster do not allow confusion (normal in a confusing complex society & normal at your young age) to compel you to draw faulty conclusions or apply phony media standards to yourself. Nothing on a billboard or a glossy ad is 'real'. Actresses & models are often made of plastic surgery, hair weaves, fake lashes, tinted contact lenses, extreme work outs & diets & them the best makeup artists, designers & photographers doll them up & then their images get 'photoshopped'. THAT is what you see. Like the rest of us, they are PEOPLE. Many of those 'light skinned models' began as dark girls with very different features. Beverly Johnson, Alec Wek & Indian model Lakshmi are 3 supermodels who were & are dark. I grant that they are exceptions. Advertisers seek to sell products. They don't care about anything else. They gauge social trends, watch what their target audience is in to & advertise accordingly. Cleaning products ads show 'boring' mumsy women. Ads for diabetes meters often show larger black women. Ads for men's deodorants feature 'cool' athletes. Ads for beer show 'hot chicks'. Take a class on media & marketing. You'll see. They try to hold up a mirror to different demographics & show them a more flattering & desirable image of themselves. Much like a 17th century portraitist flattering his wealthy patrons (to get their money

). Don't be fooled.

 

[moni09]

I don't understand how you think rihanna color is dark skinned! Many girls bleach their skin to get to that color, u need to be proud of what you have.