[YellowLeave]

Hi Guys,

I am a new member who suffered from uneven skin lately. I suffer even more from what my mother say to me every single day. I used to have a regular light Caucasian skin which it turned olive two years ago. Ever since my mother began to call me black, ugly and no guy would ever wants me...etc etc
Beside that, I noticed that my skin tans unevenly; I have spots darker here and there, and what concerns me the most that I have discovered several white patches which seems that they never tan. I have done every thing I can to get red of the tan I got, but it is not going anywhere. I think it is permanent now, this damned olive skin is permanent.
I don't like my skin anymore I hate it to the extent that I'm considering monobenzone .....after browsing this nice forums, I decided to join you...so yeah you seem a good group of members to join. It's nice to be here.

hope you can help me,

TheYellowLeave

 

[ondine]

Welcome to the Forum, TYL. I was saddened, confused & heart broken in reading your post. Not so much over the uneven pigmentation isse (which is as common as catching cold), but over the wholly unacceptable insults and criticism you've had to endure. This is wrong on every level.

As for black=ugly, forget it! There are plenty of beautiful dark skinned people. Unattractiveness has as much to do with having poor character as it does with anything looks related. While looks may attract someone to you, your wonderful character will keep them interested. No matter how fair, dark, tall short, pretty or plain, if you are a lousy human being, people will be repulsed by you. What your mother is doing is an insidious form of emotional & psychological abuse. We moms are supposed to LOVE, support & encourage our kids: not humiliate them.

"this damned olive skin is permanent"

There is nothing inherently 'damned' or bad about olive skin & many people look gorgeous with this complexion. May I ask you a couple of questions?

1. How old are you?
2. What is your ethnic background?

Sometimes colour prejudices are so deeply culturally ingrained that people within these cultures don't even question their validity. The beliefs about colour are assumed to be truthful-even 'scientific'. Please do not fall into this trap or one day you may find yourself inadvertently subjecting your own daughter to the same degradation & perpetuating these hurtful prejudices. Culture is supposed to give us a sense of rootedness & be a source of strength. When it becomes oppressive, it is time to dismantle certain beliefs & practices.

In regards to what is happening with your relationship with your mother, skin colour is the 'topic' she uses to berate you. It is NOT, however, the true problem. While uneven pigmetnation can be distressing, it is readily treatable: having destroyed self-esteem is not so easily treated.

As for your skin, finding out the root causes of the pigment change as well as why there are white areas is vital before attempting to treat it. Stress can affect every health issue as can nutrition & hormones. Please seek medical advice. BTW, caucasian slkin is NOT 'regular': it is just one of the variations typical in humans. Thank you for choosing us here & please keep coming here for support & sharing.

Please PM me : I have a resource or 2 that may be of use to you ( NOT for skin lightening). This forum is a warm supportive place. Sometimes we disagree, but strive to do so respectfully. Feel welcome to express whatever is on your mind.

 

[YellowLeave]

Hey Ondine,
thanks for being so warmhearted towards me, usually people would criticize me.

It is not like I believe that black=ugly but that's what my mother believes in. I have tried to change her mind and convince her that beauty comes in all shapes and colors, but no use. basically that's what people in my country believe too. The fairer the better. Sadly.
I'm an adult so yeah
i'm 21 years old
I'm from middle east so, that explains why my mother have such social categorization based on skin color.

yups, you got it here. My self esteem is completely destroyed now.
hearing from my mother that I'm ugly since I was kid and the only thing good about me that I have a fair skin, and now you lost it girl.. hearing that over and over just... blah

I payed my derm a visit before. She said it is just white birthmarks, that was a time ago. But recently I noticed little white dots on my forehead ,on my arms and legs, it really bugs me. also She completely ignored my other issues saying that I'm just spoiled girl. she is nasty I know.

about regular Caucasian, I didn't know how to describe the color so yeah.. my skin was so white as a teenager but not like white people coz they have pink undertones while I have yellow ones.. I was ash blonde when I was kid. Right now I have medium or dark olive skin depends on the season.

BTW I can't PM you right now since I'm a new member

why not for skin lightening? monobenzone is so tempty right now. I just wanna see my mother's face when she see's me death white LoL
but thanks for everything
you are really a nice person

 

[ondine]

I thoroughly support a person's right to change an aspect of their appearance whether that means a new hair colour & style or a spray tan or skin lightening. I also think that it is important for a person to approach it with:

- A positive sense of themselves
- Motives that have to do with their own desire for a change; NOT to conform to someone else's ideals.
- Full knowledge & understanding of the products they are using (safety protocols, adverse reactions to watch for, correct dosage etc.)
- Realistic expectations re the results to expect
- a realistic grasp on the impact it will (& won't) have on their life.

I applied this to myself before beginning to lighten. If your mother treats you in this manner over a couple of shades of colour, lightening your skin to please her is a bad idea. The self-esteem challenge you are facing is internal work: an external change might make you appear different, BUT the negative feelings will remain. This is the same as the person who keeps getting plastic surgeries but never quite feels beautiful. Doing this to yourself to 'get back at' please or feel vindicated vis a vis your mother is the wrong approach.

It is interesting that you attribute her attitudes to being Middle Eastern. In my area, there are many middle eastern people of diverse complexions. I have met many who are kind considerate people; open-minded & non bigoted. This 'attitude' may have more to do with HER as a person & how her family sees things than something 'middle eastern'. Her attitude goes beyond colour preferences into the realm of bitter racism. What a shame!

If you do decide to lighten your skin (after finding out what caused it to darken unevenly) there are safe & effective ways to do so. Try seeing a different Dr. THe one you saw sounds like a real @$$ hole.

 

[YellowLeave]

First of all, thanks for supporting me Ondine,
-well, hopefully I will be more positive about my self after.
-it is not fully for pleasing my mother, coz I kinda believe her so it is to please myself too(I believe her that I'm ugly, and the fair skin suits better) so yeah
-I have done few researches
-I'm hoping That I will get the pleased results in 2 and a half months, realistic, no?
-I'm realistic enough, I guess

-I decided that months ago, but I opted to read about it first
-I have changed my derm, I will pay a visit soon

Oh no my mother is far from racist, she is just being over protective. She want's me to get married quickly. As she thinks, Guys want fair ladies with straight hair only. She hates my curls and forces me to straighten it every single day. All of that for my own good she says.

 

[ondine]

Guys like all kinds of things. My husband is European, affluent & educated. Some of his favourite women include Venus & Serena Williams, Naomi Campbell, Lucy Liu & Lisa Ling! All very different in height, size, body type & hair texture. There is no one type that guys like. Some like really big women (I had a scrawny little uncle by marriage who LOVED really tall really BIG women!). My older brother flips for red heads with really pale skin. My husband prefers tan to black skin: he thinks very pale women look like they're dead! In marrying, you;d best seek a man who loves you for YOU: not because of your hair texture & pallor. Men who choose their partners solely for physical attributes are often shallow people looking for a trophy!

When I met my husband, it was before I began lightening or even thought about it one way or the other. It was August & I was tanned even darker than I was naturally. My hair was a mess & I wasn't wearing any make-up. It was a real 'what you see is what you get' moment.

"she is just being over protective"

Protecting & nurturing your sense of self-esteem is also a mother's duty. My kids are close to your age & I'd NEVER tell them that they were ugly or unattractive! Insulting you & putting you down is not a protective gesture. It is better, too, that you marry well rather than quickly.

2 months is really not a lot of time for skin lightening. Skin sheds & renews cyclically. There are agents that can accelerate exfoliation of dead skin & with many agents you will have begin seeing a change within 2 months but unless you have truly very little lightening to do, it will not happen in 2 months. Aim more for 6 months. If you were black (like Oprah's colour) 1 year would be more realistic. Speed & safety do not go together in skin lightening. The safer ways take a little longer BUT you can save yourself from adverse side effects.

 

[YellowLeave]

Men who choose their partners solely for physical attributes are often shallow people looking for a trophy!

I just couldn't agree more. U r a wise woman beside being a skin expert.- I was looking around here & I've read a lot of ur posts. so yeah

O.K 6 months doesn't sound bad to me, should I start with Hydroquinone/ retin A combo, or just go straight to mono?

 

[ondine]

Forget mono for what you want to do. You do not need to go that far.

HQ4% & RA 0.5% (if you tolerate this strength well you can increase to 0.1%)

Begin with the method posted by member La Donna:

Day 1: (morning) wash skin & pat dry. Apply a thin coat of HQ4%. If you're going out, apply sunblock a good 20 mins B4 leaving the house; rain or shine.

Day 1: (evening) repeat as above, omitting the sunblock

Day 2 : (morning) wash skin & pat dry. Apply sunblock a good 20 mins B4 going out.

Day 2: (evening) wash skin & pat dry. Wait 20 minutes (don't skip this step). Apply a thin coat of Retin A

Alternate between days. Using this method, you should begin seeing a difference between 2 weeks to 1 month. Full results will take longer depending upon what you want to achieve.

If you get dry skin from the RA, use a moisturizer that does NOT contain any acidic or lightening agents or use plain olive oil. RA will make you exfoliate a lot. This is normal. Do not ever harshly scrub your skin. If the RA burns you or causes rashes or other troubling symptoms, stop using it: it is not for your skin. If this happens, allow skin to heal & begin using HQ4% 2x/day only. Hope this helps you.

 

[YellowLeave]

Thanks,
I thought If I want a permanent result I should use mono.
anyhow,I'm gonna buy these stuff right way.
thnx again

 

[ondine]

You are most welcome. Mono is very strong stuff . Since you had caucasian skin tone in the first place, you cannot possibly be that dark now. This regimen should suffice for you. Please:

DO NOT apply the creams more than indicated.
DO NOT plaster them on: a little goes a long way.
DO apply sunblock 20 mins before going out, rain or shine & reapply every couple of hrs.
DO be patient: going for speed is what ruins many people's skin.
DO listen to your body & be sure to moisturize any dry areas
DO be gentle & avoid scrubbing or picking at your skin.
DO share your process and results as they emerge. It'll help a lot of people.